Adoption Adventure Network
"Expressing the Father's care by creating an opportunity for each child to find their forever family."

Posted on Sun, Jan. 12, 2003

MAKING A NEW HOME - NOVEL ADOPTION PROGRAM BEGINS WITH TRIAL VISIT

By Truong Phuoc Khánh, Mercury News

The ties that bind a family can form over years or in an instant. And when it does, separation becomes unfathomable.

The week of Christmas, 5-year-old Maxin, ``Max,'' landed at San Francisco International Airport with 28 other orphans from Russia. Eight Bay Area families were at the gate ready to host and possibly adopt one of the little boys or girls who had crossed an ocean and a continent in search of a home.

Max emerged from the crowd, smiling, bouncing, bursting with energy and life. Derek and Jennifer Davis looked at Max, looked at each other, and knew this was for keeps.

``This little guy just stuck out,'' said Jennifer Davis, a 35-year-old financial planner who lives in San Carlos. ``You give them baths, and they open their hearts to you, and it just happens. It's amazing how fast it happens. You fall in love.''

Married for seven years, the Davises have tried unsuccessfully to have a baby for the past five. A friend told them about Adventure of Hope. Its mission is to bring older children from orphanages in Russia to the United States. The children's visits last from two to four weeks. They stay with volunteer host families that may, if the fit is right, choose to adopt them.

The children, who are typically free of health problems, range from 4 to 14 years of age. Overseas adoption programs generally require parents to come to the foreign countries, where they spend a few days at an orphanage and then make a selection. With Adventure of Hope, the children come to the parents, who spend a more substantial and intimate time together. There is no cost to host a child before committing to an adoption.

Adventure of Hope sponsored its first summer visitation in August and is now wrapping up its first winter program. Of 29 children, 25 have probably found a home. Adventure of Hope has introduced its adoption strategy to other states, including Maryland and Utah. Over 100 children have been adopted since the program began.

Month-long visit
Michelle and Tony DeOcampo of San Jose had no plans to adopt. They already had two children, Austin, 7, and Amanda, 10. But when asked, they agreed to take care of 8-year-old Nursulu, from Kazakhstan, for a month last summer.

``After hosting her, there was no way we could not adopt her,'' said Tony DeOcampo, who works for a company that sells windows for construction projects. ``She definitely stirred something. There was no doubt that once we had her in our house, after a day, there was no way we could be without her.''

Outgoing, strong-willed and a contact-sport enthusiast, Nursulu easily blended with his family, said Tony DeOcampo. Austin and Amanda cried when their soon-to-be middle sibling departed in September. By law, the children must go back to their country and wait for the adoption paperwork to wind through the bureaucracies of two governments. It takes from seven to nine months.

``And everything is taking way too long,'' Tony DeOcampo said. ``We want her back now.''

Range of needs
Adoptive families who turn to Adventure of Hope are primarily middle- or upper-class, in large part because of the fees for overseas adoptions can run from $20,000 to $25,000, said David Avilla, the Adventure of Hope Executive Director. Adoptive parents range from couples in their mid-50s who already have children to retired grandparents to infertile couples who have exhausted all other medical means of conception.

The DeOcampos do not fit the typical profile. They already have children, and they are a working-class, one-income family.

``This is a huge financial commitment,'' said Tony, who estimated that the expenses would add up to $35,000, including the whole family's round-trip air fare to bring their new daughter home.

The Davises are hoping to make a similar trip this spring. But they will be coming back with two sons. Before Max, they had already committed to adopting 10-year-old Semion, who visited during last summer's program.

Before he returned to Russia, Semion had indicated he would not mind having a little brother. The Davises, who had hoped of having a large family, were happy to oblige.

``Once you open your heart to the idea of adoption, they steal your heart in a minute,'' said Derek Davis, 40, who owns a trade-show exhibit company in Sunnyvale. ``I've known him for nine days; he's my son. It's everything parenthood is all about. It's just unfortunate we missed the first five years.''

To look at the young family, as they spent a wintry evening together at home, one would think they had been together all their lives. They know Max loves bananas, lettuce and yogurt. That he will do anything for Ruffles potato chips. He sings a lot, dances to ``Shrek'' and roams around the house in his giant Scooby Doo slippers.

What they do not know is Max's early years: why his back bears the scar the size of a baseball or why his wrists show marks as well.

What they do know is that when they ask if he wants Jennifer to be ``Momma'' and Derek to be ``Poppa,'' he says, ``Da,'' or ``Yes,'' in Russian.

``He's such a good little boy, and he's had so much pain earlier in his life,'' said Derek, breaking into a sweat as he repeatedly complied with Max's pleas to be twirled in the air or bounced on a beanbag.

On Monday, Max returns to the orphanage. Because the Davises already started adoption proceedings for Semion in the summer, they will probably be able to bring both boys back in March or April.

Bridging the gap
Language is the hardest challenge. Adventure of Hope provides a 24-hour translation service by phone to families, but the Davises have not had to call that number yet.

For now, facial expressions, hand gestures, pointing and plenty of hugs and kisses seem to communicate fine. At dinner, the family of three sat at the counter eating spaghetti. At every opportunity, his parents try to teach Max basic English and common courtesy. ``Thank you'' and ``Please'' are uttered a lot.

During dinner, Max got his sleeves wet from a cup of water. Derek grabbed a paper towel to dry the boy's arm.

``Thank you, Max,'' Derek said.

``Thank you, Poppa,'' Max copied.

``You're welcome, Max,'' the dad said.

``You're welcome, Poppa,'' answered the son.